A New Week | October 4th, 2021
Why is the world not sleeping? Why are you not sleeping? What have we unlearned about the power of rest?
When I became a mother for the first time, I experienced quite a bit of sleeplessness. Not because I had a crying newborn here and there, but merely because I have restless legs syndrome which made my pregnancies and my postpartum and breastfeeding journey quite traumatizing at night to be honest.
Over the last 6 years I gave birth to 3 very large boys (our second son broke the record with 10.3lbs/4.63kg), which resulted in a great need of food all day and all night. But even when nights were calm I would often wake in the middle of the night and couldn’t fall back asleep.
After becoming aware of some of my deep mental childhood wounds, and the commitment to deep healing on a gentle and patient time horizon, I learnt how much of all of this was also related to my sleeping. I don’t have a great relationship with sleep. And then there is my excited, high-performing mind. It puts me (medically speaking) into a hyperarousal state when it’s time to sleep. So I’ve done a lot of healing work and yeah… as a meditation lover I have done pretty much any deep relaxation and deep sleep mediation Youtube has to offer.
You know what I also learned? I am in damn good company. With COVID, the world is experiencing a new all-time high of 30-50% of people experiencing some form of insomnia because of how this period has disrupted their lives. So many of us struggle with restless nights, troubling time to fall asleep and stay asleep, and overthinking at night.
A lot of the incredible humans and ambitious souls I work with are high-performers in their field. They go go go all day every day and when they come home it is hard to switch of their minds. I feel the same at times, even though I have optimized my life in a way that I can find enough time to exercise, eat home-cooked meals every day, and spend mornings in nature. I know many of those I work with have very healthy daytime routines too.
So what is it that keeps us awake?
Sleep is not something we can control. And this is where the problem begins. As people who love optimizing the way they spend their days and nights, sleep often times unconsciously or consciously becomes another item on the list. Because it seems like we are giving into doing nothing, we find less stimulation, less pleasure, less “gratification” in it. Sit with this prompting thought for a moment. What resonates?
In one of the best articles I have ever read (both generally and on sleep) the author says:
“Sleep has been transformed from a deeply personal experience to a physiological process; from the mythical to the medical; and from the romantic to the marketable. Our misconstrued sense of sleep and consequent obsession with managing it are the most critical overlooked factors in the contemporary epidemic of sleep loss.”
Because the article is so excellent and long I am quoting something else that is incredibly relevant for our conversation here:
“The Industrial Revolution radically transformed our perception of sleep from a gracious, transcendent experience to a mechanistic, biomedical process. With mechanistic philosophies on the rise, the machine emerged as a new hero, with its promise of salvation from all human ills. And energy became gold.
Across the Western world, machines and labourers sprouted in concert with coal mines and coffee houses. Industrialisation seeded a global energy crisis – serving as metaphor for our personal energy crisis. Today, oil and coffee are the most commonly traded commodities in the world. We are a society of energy addicts dependent on overly stimulating foods, fluids, information, entertainment and light at night. And, of course on the extensive global network of machinery needed to manufacture and maintain this lifestyle.
We can no longer deny the striking parallel between global warming and chronic inflammation. Ultimately, our excessive consumption of energy overheats the planet and its people, both of which need to cool at night to sleep. Chronic inflammation can literally raise our core body temperature to a near-feverish point, overheating our brains and bodies and disrupting our sleep.”
This passage stuck with me. A lot. We’re so fixed on the most immediate; often materialistic dopamine and gratification hits, that we are not letting ourselves calm or cool down, sit in silence, be present, work on the very thing in front of us. We already assume what is working and what is not, whether we are ready for it or not. We are not giving ourselves the space to explore what else is inside of us when we tap into this silent place between expectation and the actual work. It is so uncomfortable in the not knowing. We are hunting one experience after the other, one bullet point after the next, one peak experience after the other. We are not giving ourselves the chance to just be and find pleasure, satisfaction, and growth in the mundane work of excellence.
What if sleep is meaningful? Deeply enriching because we are allowing ourselves to enjoy rest, to let go, to trust that everything is going to be ok; not always how we like it but surely ok. What if we believe that we ain’t perfect and that we won’t improve any of the things we said, things we procrastinated on, or things we did by letting them hijack our ride into a different sphere that helps us to make sense of it all, that helps us to dream, to feel enchanted by what we can’t understand when we wake from a dream. Through meditation I experienced how wakefulness, is not our only form of consciousness: there is a lot more. And sleep can introduce us to magic, the natural rhythms of our bodies, the deeply gratifying experience of what it means to listen to our body and its signals and be one with it.
As I am typing this, I want to highlight again that I am writing this for you as much as I am writing this for myself. One way to be and continue to be-come a relatable, highly attuned somatic leadership coach is by understanding my own journey. My hope is that I can do my part to let you all know that I am always growing too, that I am always evolving, always shedding skin and renewing myself. We are all connected and my service, your growth, and thus my success with you and the world depends on how I can bring this one-ness into our process with each other.
For me sleep is deeply personal. I’ve never needed a lot of sleep, I’ve always sought out adventures and a little more of everything. I never found myself in silence, but in the buzzing rush of the new and groundbreaking. And then I had children, and built a business. And that’s where it all changed. Giving them a routine, a safe environment to grow up in, a schedule that would allow me to build my business consistently… Everything became a lot quieter, first externally, and then internally. But something stuck with me. And that is my continued process to enjoy the remaining things that I have absolute no control over and are so so good for me. That is sleep for me. I ran on the steroids of control for so long, that I am learning it the hard way to re-introduce the magic of non-resistance. For me this is one more step towards Mother Nature. We’d be all doing a whole lot more for the future of global and our own physical heat by doing less; needing less. It is also where I most often find my center of excellence. It seems like we can create a powerful cycle here.
Over the next 6 weeks I will be doing a CBT-Insomnia course - for myself and for everyone I work with. I will report back with what has worked and what hasn’t.
So far here is a number of 5 things that has helped me in my journey:
A dedicated calm, candle-lid nighttime routine 1.5 hours before bedtime
- Epsom salt bath if I had a big workout that day
- Reading a book (non-work related) sitting up in our bed
- Candles (no electric light)
- Hot tea with honey and Ashwagandha (see below)
- Silent meditation, calm conversation with Ted, or an audiobook, occasionally drawing or playing lego with my kids if one of them can’t sleep
- no screens and orange blue-light blocking glasses
- Journaling: gratitude, what I am feeling, creative writing thoughts, todos for the next day or whatever comes to mind.. I am letting things flow onto my paper to let go of control what is important to me)Sleep restriction: If I am not asleep within 30minutes I am getting back up, do something quiet like reading a book or walk in our backyard, and then go back to bed when I feel sleepy. You want to rewire your mind time in bed is only for sleeping, not for thinking and tossing around) - I am doing this right now. It’s hard but I can see the slow benefits and it is one of the best CBT-Insomnia suggestions out there)
Hormonal blood tests (especially estrogen, progesterone, and thyroid (T3 and T4)
You want to make sure that non of your symptoms actually go back to something physical, and have nothing to do with your perceived inability to shut downAshwaganda: an all-natural Indian root (helps to lower cortisol which in turn helps to regulate hormonal health crucial to sleep. For me personally I benefit from its ability to slow me down and helps me fall asleep a little better)
Breathing: mindful breathing to calm down at the end of the day — inhale for 4, hold for 3, exhale for 8 through the nose (!) 6-7 times. It is a good start before entering other breathing techniques. By allowing ourselves to breath out longer we give our nervous system a break and it learns that we’re safe, that we can relax, that our bodies can rest.
One of the things I really enjoy too is listening to shamanic beats. Something about the connection to this part of ourselves and the deep connection to nature and our natural cardiac rhythm is deeply soothing
Humor and feeling loved: Frustrating nights are…well…frustrating. I ground myself through humor with myself and absorbing the love I receive from family and friends. It’s fuel.
For all women: Tracking my cycle has also shown that sleep is much better pre-ovulation and less good post ovulation (because of the drop in estrogen and progesterone). Highly recommend becoming aware of your body’s signals throughout the month, seasons, and year.
Oh. No coffee. I know. Tough one. I quit 3.5 years ago and it’s been good :)
Physical remembrance is real: Another physical reminder for me is for instance that I often sleep less solid in the months of September and October vs the summer months before. I lost my father a few years ago in the month of October and September is when my sister and I decided to turn off his machines. Yes - our body is a highly intelligent system that stores memories and can remember certain energies throughout the year.
Have you ever reflected on your relationship to sleep or other re-occuring patterns? What else can you learn about yourself?
As leaders of our own lives we need to look beyond what is most obvious to our thriving and dig deeper into what brings us new levels of grounded-ness, authenticity, understanding of self and thus for others.
Sending sweet dreams :),
Franzi
Before I go. Here is an invitation to our exclusive bravespace on financial self-worth and financial independence:
Join us on Sunday October 17th at 2pm ET for a very special bravespace with our very special co-host Khe Hy, the creator of the blog RadReads and renowned contrarian expert on financial independence, abundance, and self-worth, who has been called "The Oprah for Millennials" by CNN Money (and the Wall Street Guru by Bloomberg).
Here’s what we will cover:
What amount of money do you need to be happy? How about to feel financially secure? How about before you have kids, or decide to retire? (And how much should you leave your kids behind?)
Where do your answers come from? Is it from your parents, your spouse, your college buddies, your financial advisor, or a hotshot tech entrepreneur who just raised a Series D? Is it you answering that question, or a voice that you heard a long time ago?
We act as if our relationship to career success and financial planning is rational, but the truth is that it's highly emotional. For many of us, the most emotional relationship we have in our lives is with money.
Why is this? And how might we rewire our emotional relationship with money to be healthier, more peaceful, and more accurately representative of our values -- while still respecting that some of our core values may truly be linked to ambition, production, and expansive contribution to society.
As always, all you need to bring is a fun beverage and your journaling instrument of choice, and we'll bring the prompts, the timekeeping, the music, and good vibes.
It;s a free event and you can get the calendar invite here.