Many of us fear that we might sabotage our success, joy, and most special relationships in life. That we might not show up the way we want to.
Today I am telling you: self-sabotage doesn't exist.
But let's start here:
Lean into your chair, close your eyes, and tap into what you feel when you become your bottleneck. Do you struggle to work on what you need to work on? Are you blocking yourself from your partner's love? Do you have a hard time celebrating success?
Where in your body do you feel that? What's its shape? Temperature?
When have you felt this before? What memory, thought, visual comes up?
I say self-sabotage doesn't exist because what we call "sabotage" is just a byproduct of behaviors that worked in our favor when we were younger. Think about it: in adults, self-sabotage often shows up as avoidance of doing what needs to be done or saying what needs to be told and an inability to receive what's "good" for you.
But your adult behaviors are often dictated by an unresolved inner critic that first showed up in childhood. Maybe you weren't made to feel seen or understood; perhaps you were criticized or abused for who you were. Maybe you had overcritical parents, an emotionally abusive relationship, or a toxic work environment. You shut down your ability to receive the good because you need to stay ready to receive the bad. You learned to avoid complex topics or tasks because you didn't want to say or do the wrong thing, be told you're not enough, or be abandoned.
You did the right thing for you at the time.
But now you're older, more robust, wiser. Your context has changed, so your behaviors need to change, too.
To rewire behavior, locate where your emotions are stored in your body, release that tension, and create a new reality.
Start healing:
Go back to the physical sensation. What would help you to release this pain? What do you need to tell the younger version of yourself?
Kindness through awareness. When do you see your usual self-sabotage response showing up? Relate to it with curiosity: what is this trying to tell me today? What does my body need?
insx